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ONLY ONE

[]Name: diabolique
[]Aged: go figure
[]blah, sarcastic, cynical, paranoid, indifferent
[]vegan/children/elderly eater a.k.a cannibal
[]green tea
[]music in free time

[]Loves:
[]backstabbers
[]hypocrites
[]twits
[]overbearing, arrogant, snobbish people
[]slowpokes, physical ones and mental ones

[]Point:who doesn't?

[]Really:
[]God
[]friends
[]music
[]shopping
[]procrastinating
[]PUNS! yay!

ONLY WANTS

[]below 15 for L1R5
[]MarcEcko: The TurnStyle/E900/The Niche/Ecko ID/Two Timer/The Encore
[]much, much MUN-NEH
[]my own digital camera
[]ipod nano
[]my own tuba

PLACES OF INTEREST
Ashton
DesignSponge
FlowerfieldUnity
FreeIndie
GiantInThePlayground
GingerDead
LancerLord
MollyMeek



YESTERS
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
August 2008





Credits
Hosted: Blogger, PhotoBucket
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Confusion

Alas, as it appears, this is the 99th post, contrary to what I mentioned in the previous. So to all anyone who even reads my blog and has been looking forward to the "something new", my apologies. Anyhow, it was just my mind in confusion and when it is, I hardly think my fingers would be anywhere near orientated.

I'm currently so confused, when I talk about the particular subject, my brain goes, "Alibaba chicken nuggets with chilli sauce and Guylian chocolates in the toilet bowl and CHICKEN! Fishy chicken niwatori tori Q desu. Jaa, mata raishu desu. Hey hey. the monkey jumps over the lazy dog who which is acutally made out of bread! Dog jaarimasen, pan desu ne!" Yup.

The thing is, till this point in time, where I have brood-ed of it for almost 6 days, and slept on it since I first stepped in secondary school and finally decided with the coup de grace of a DAE submition, I still am undecided if I really want to go to poly or JC. Seriously, I've got a lot and I mean A LOT of issues that have yet to be settled. And God so help me because I really, really, REALLY don't know what I want.

When I talk to my friends about Poly, I feel like I want and I say, I WANT to go to a JC yet, when I talk of of going to JC, I feel like I REALLY want to go to Poly. Nay, just the thought of either sends me mind reeling in confusion aka pain.

So that's how it goes, back and forth, back and forth. Its like a game of table tennis really, execpt the fact that everytime the ball hits the racquet it send me reeling in agony, making me feel like a baby getting swung against the wall like how you would swing a wrecking ball into a building.

I have friends telling me of how those qualified for JC will be thrown there due to a overwhelming increase of students keen on going to poly. 2 reasons, the way I see it; either everyone ones a slice of the poly-graduates-more-in-demand-and-get-higher-starting-pay pie or everyone has a share in the I-screwed-up-my-O-Levels part.

Either way, when I think off getting thrown into a JC, I'm like "Hell no", but then when I think about poly, I'm like "Hell no". Then the issue about me not getting anything regarding yours truly going for an interview. Hey, I opted for visual communications which technically, would require an interview since it has got to do with design. Yes, that's what I would think.

Once again, two sides I see. One, my L1R4 got me into the course without needing an interview because it's quite low, two, I got thrown into a JC. Then these two thoughts come together and I'm like "Hell no" and "Hell yes" at the same time. And in case you were wondering, it's for both of them. The one bout going to poly? "Hell yes, no wait, hell no. Wait...Hell yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes....Oh damned." Same goes for the one bout me getting thrown into JC.

I'm worried that I won't do well in poly. Trust me, I know that I'm not good at designs and comparing myself to the many others who would have possibly opted for a similar course whether in another polytechnic or in a specialized school, such as NAFA, I'm like, shit. Yes, shit. It may be something I like doing, but it doesn't mean I'm good at it. Then there's the issue about insecurity. In all senses of the word. Okay, not all, but the one where you find yourself going "I [expletive deleted] suck at what I'm doing and I'm [expletive deleted] ugly and I'm dressed like I'm going to HorrorFest, in a extremely bad way." Imagine going through it everyday. And the travelling. Don't get me started.

JC wise, the insecurities still apply but mainly to the outward appearences. You know, the standard, hot, tall, dark, blahblahblah. And not to mention I abhor studying, like studying-studying, the kind where you'd have to memorise stuff and the like, sit for examinations that cause your hand to cramp up etc etc. How can you possibly do well in something that you, not just dislike, but abhor, hate, utterly detest, loathe, abominate etc etc? Okay, I do know of people who do very well under such cirumstances, granted, but I hardly call them "people".

But frankly, the main concern I have is not being able to do relatively well in which ever institiution I'll be going to. I don't mind travelling the extra mile, literally, just to spend my day studying, like how I might have to travel to Tampines in the near, possible future. Neither do I mind waking up at 6, or 5 for that matter, just to get to school on time, like how I could be waking up to the buzz of my handphone just to trudge my way to a JC in the similarly, yet directly contrasting near, possible future.

It is with really, really, REALLY sad self-disappointment that, after reading through the post again, I realise God's been left in the corner of my, work-in-progress, life portrait, so to say. The master has been over-thrown only to be taken over by a unworthy, not-so-apprenticed apprentice. To use "apprentice" in itself is possibly the greatest understatement of my 16+ years life, even besting the Greatest Understatment of the year award and many of the similar awards for eons to come.

It's like what Jeremy said, that you will eventually become what God has planned for you to be since the beginning, just that you might make a wrong move and go on a long, painful detour before reaching the final point. Or something along those lines.

I can, now, only pray that God will bless and rest my confused mortal soul and grant me the straightest path as possible to what He has mapped-out for me to be, possibly intervening at the eleventh hour, without the *T-LINNNNNNNNNG* sound, and changing the posting results to what He wants it to be.

Seriously, if the situation wasn't so tragically ironic, it would be hilarious.































Okay, not really.


11:32 pm

Monday, February 26, 2007
Cry Of DesperationRandom Thoughts XI

I'm so friggin bored. There's a box of Guylian chocolates in the fridge but I REFUSE to touch them. This is like the 99th blog post. Yay. For the special occasion of a 100th post, there will be something new! Okay, not new per se but for my blog it is.

It's so unlike me to do something like this but there has always got to be a first and despite the fact that I completely abhor such devices in blogs, I have this aching need to put it up or I fear I might kill myself. Hence, this shall appear as invisible to the eyes as possible. As much as it seems it is, I wish to make it known that this is not done in a bid to attract attention though it may seem ironic coming from the person who wrote this himself. It is just an aching need that, I strongly feel, needs to be satisfied after being there for so long. But think what you will anyway for this is a free world and though freedom of speech may just be a figure of speech, freedom of thought exists. So whatever. I feel that I'm alone. no, not just alone-alone-without-a-partner alone but, alone. It seems, at this point in time, that I have no one really to talk to, that none of my friends really care. Maybe I'm just being paranoid but I feel that them asking me out and all seems just like basic courtesy. You know? Like how friends as each other out so to maintain the relationships and all but only done so in the bid that they feel sympathy for this friend. It is really hard for me to feel in place with them like I used to because they're attached and all. Do not for a second think that just because you are physically there without your partner means that you are well, alone. Because you have friends, whose partner, shares a lot in common with your partner. Hence, you tend to get closer because you have one more thing in common, one more thing to talk about, one more common thing that your one other friend simply doesn't share in common with, possibly resulting in this one other friend getting left out of more conversations and all. But it isn't your fault. Tis human nature, that birds of a feather flock together. As much as I wish for more attention to be on me, I do not wish to cause any trouble in your relationships just because I feel neglected. I'm not worth it. Besides, you could be marrying each other in the near future and like my mum would say, friends come and go, they will not be there for you forever. Comparatively, your partners are more important. I'm being serious here. Because I'm known for my mean disposition and sarcasm and all, I myself find it hard to convince people that what I say is what I really feel deep down inside. Even I, I try to find ways in which I can express myself, such that the other party wouldn't get the impression that it's sarcasm. Maybe I brought all these upon myself, that I the chasm seems to be wider between me and you guys as time goes by. I fear one day that my lungs and eyes fail me, that my voice will not reach your ears and I wouldn't be able to see you eventually. I know, for one, that every time I probe, every time I try to pry things out of you guys, crudely put, I pry at the very heart of the chasm itself. That every time I give undue inputs, in your eyes, my words form the very space between us. But I just want to know, you know? And they're just my honest opinions. It didn't use to be like this. Well, a lot of things aren't as they were, like how, quoting Thomas, policemen used to wear shorts. >>
BOO!
I'm bored.

I used to be close to a friend. Very close in fact. Until she met someone else who was more like her, who agreed with her nearly on every matter as I, on the other hand, still the same person as I was years back, often gave this extremely close friend of my opinions that more often than not, contradicts hers. But they were my honest opinions. It was at this point that we drifted apart. She used to lend her ears to my opinions and ask for them as well, but no longer. I attribute it to the new friend she made, the friend was even closer to her than I was, the friend who had, perhaps, more in common with her than I ever could hence the never-ending agreements, the friend who doesn't care about her anymore, the friend who doesn't care about me anymore, the friend who found more things in common with someone else to care about us anymore. Perhaps it's age the make my opinions painful. It's like how comments like "You're fat" is but a comment to a child but one that can completely kill the relationship between two grown-ups. Perhaps it's the things in common that they share that make them close. But I think it's just me. I'm not good enough for them. I want to change, I've told myself to change, but it's just too hard. To change myself for someone else is something I just won't be able to accomplish. Not now, not ever. But I will try my best anyhow, because I treasure these relationships. Here, I give you guys my word that I will try my best to probe less, pry less, comment less, if it's what it takes to keep the distance close. It's hypocritical, but tell me, who isn't? I may not be me anymore, but at least I wouldn't feel alone.

I brought this upon myself. It's the end.

If you can read this, you're smart. No, seriously. Or maybe I'm just dumb.


BOO AGAIN!
I'm still bored.




9:41 pm

Sunday, February 25, 2007
Early Winter

Was at youth cell just earlier today and the topic bout youths today getting into relationships popped up and I was thinking that I'm really alone in that sense.

So Daniel was saying how the younger generation's perception of relationships are really wraped and I completely agreed with him. You might think that I'm only agreeing with him cause I'm Chirstian and all and that I should be righteous and all but no.

Crudely put, if I were a Satanist, I would stand by the same principles I stand by right now despite the rituals I'd have to go through like the mass love-making sessions. But I would still stand by my principle of not getting a mate just for "experience" or because "I think she's the right one" or worse still, because "everyone is getting a mate so I should do so too, it's cool".

To quote myself "everyone is getting a mate so I should do so too, it's cool". Daniel was touching on this particular aspect which drew, towards me, one of Linda's "Yarh lorh" looks, leading me into a contemplative state where I went "I'm so lonely right now, I'm desperate to get myself into a relationship so that I wouldn't be the sore thumb sticking out without a partner. But NO! I will not! I detest the notion, or any of the forementioned notions for that matter, of getting into a relationship without the intention of eventually marrying my significant other."

Such an intention would require my very own acknowledgement that I have the capability to support my significant other, that I would be able to live with my family without anyform of monetary help from my parents, who need as much money as they can, but seriously, who doesn't? Need money I mean. But I digress.

Here's a shoutout to everyone who knows me "[expletive deleted] slap me if I ever get myself into a relationship just for the heck of it. Thanks in advance."

Taking a page out of The Sketchbook, here's a story of sorts:

I saw this while I was walking in the streets the other day...

Hey you! Yes you right there. Tired of branded bags, handphones, clothes etc etc? Looking for a new accessory that'll make everyone envious? Well look no futher! Come right down to GETYOURSELFAMATE's warehouse sale and get a brand new, walking, talking, live, accessory right now! You can take your time as you browse throught the wide array of accessories we have to offer. They come in shapes, sizes and colours of all kinds! So what are you waiting for? Come right down to GETYOURSELFAMATE's warehouse sale right now.

OFFER! GREAT PRICES!
Get your very own accessories at GETYOURSELFAMATE's warehouse sale and get a one year gaurantee! Also, if you're unsatisfied with your new accessory, we will offer you a one on one exchange for an extra price of NO-PRICE-AT-ALL!

Or, you can simply throw them away. True, you would feel heart-broken for a while but that's for slightly less than a day. Following which, you can step right back into the GETYOURSELFAMATE's warehouse sale and get a brand new accessory! It doesn't matter if it doesn't suit you, cause it's just a accessory, fungible on a regular basis.

For more information, visit www.get-a-mate.com right now or dial 1900-GET-A-MATE, where our friendly staff look forward to serving you in all senses of the word.

I did say it was a story of sorts.

The sun's getting cold, it's snowing. Looks like an early winter for us
- Gwen Stefani : Early Winter


10:40 pm

Monday, February 19, 2007
Oh Life, Thou Art Biast

One positive aspect of CNY, possibly the only positive thing besides the red packets which I don't really give a damn about, is the revelation of how life is unfair. EXTREMELY unfair.

Something I should be grateful for is how I get to stay remotely inactive. While the rest of my relatives have to move from house to house, I get to stay home no thanks to my dear ancient relic grandmother. She like the second eldest so my family gets to stay home while waiting for them relatives to come. How great is that? Or maybe its just the fact that she not really moblie. Either way, it's a win-win situation for me.

It is apprent that if relatives come visiting, we get to see how everyone has changed or remained the same for that matter. This is just another area where Life rears its ugly, unjust head, with that 8 horns and 9 eyes protruding out from God knows where, confounded with the rows and rows of spikes for teeth and that hell of a putrid stench for breath. But all that's besides the point.

The point is, there are those relatives that are really good looking, tall, dark muscular blahblahblah then comparatively there's the fat, not so good looking, not so dark nor tall blahblahblah. To make the its point even more obvious, Life adds them smarts to the good looking and them stupidity to the ugly.

Maybe the words I used are too harsh but hey, that's Life for you man...And woman...

I find myself stuck somewhere in between, neither being smart nor stupid and I sure hope I'm under "Average Looking" even if it means bordering on "Ugly". And for this, I'm thankful as well, though I really wish that Life would have put me under "The Smart, The Good Looking And The Rich" instead.

Oh well.

Withness thy own biasness, oh cruel Life. By some Fate, someday, thy stars shalt shineth dark, and thy dear friend, Karma, shalt surely, your ass bite.


3:53 pm

Saturday, February 17, 2007
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

I really don't see the bloody big deal about CNY okay? It's like a bloody waste of time and all the red packets in the world ain't worth it, unless of course it is one containing a million dollar cheque, but that's just besides the point. First of all, the shows they have on television now is as entertaining as watching a pot of peas boiling. Secondly, I'm so friggin bored. So maybe they're linked and all. I don't know if this is going to be of any truth or not but I think that those really looking forward to CNY's not looking forward to embracing any of the bloody traditions but really, the red packets filled with bloody moolah. Seriously, are all the preprations for CNY, cleaning up the house, preparing for reunion dinner and all the etcetcs really worth them moolahs? Blah, I don't think so. Also, what's up with black being taboo on CNY? I mean, the opposite of red would technically be teal, so shouldn't teal be the "unlucky" colour instead? OH BLAHHH!

Right.

HAPPY CHINESE/LUNAR NEW YEAR!


9:17 pm

Random Thoughts X

There was once a boy,
So bored he was,
On an adventure did he go.
Despite his mother's weeping,
And all his father's threating,
To disown him if he left,
He went.

Along his way,
A thousand miles from home,
Many a things he did see,
All that was a sight,
Behold!
Held dear, him,
In his memories.

He saw, of peculiarity,
Too wonderous of things to describe.
Of that that tickled him no end,
Too little words he knew.
Of horror and detestation,
Too afraid the words to speak.

Yet of beauty,
Only one did he see.

Cloaked in green she was,
The sapphire eyes that gleamed.
Hair dark as night,
And as fair a maiden,
As the orb,
That rested in it.

Beauty unsurpassed it was,
Beauty never again to be seen.

But as fate would have it,
He was her
To once again regard.
On a cold and bitter winter's day,
In a place not far from home.

Beckoned her to him,
Her waving of her arm,
Towards a quaint lil' cottage.

Followed him to her,
By the waving of her arm,
Towards the quaint lil' cottage.

As luck would have it,
By the fire,
They made love to each other.
Love as passionate as the fire beside
A fire undousable.

And as fate would have it,
Again,
'Tis was a cruel joke.
For not long later,
Out of his stomach burst...







































ALIEN!




9:17 pm

Friday, February 16, 2007
The Thing About Blogs Bloggers

This post is really going to be insulting so if you think you won't be able to handle the truth, I advise you to click the pretty, red X mark just to the extreme top-right hand corner of your screen. You should really leave if you're not one who can handle The Truth, mainly cause it'd feel like a sledge hammer to your numb skull.

It's really simple, if you don't like what I write, then don't read it. Simple enough for your brain to process? First of all, this blog is mine, meaning its a MY space, meant solely for MY thoughts. Secondly, I have the freedom to write what I want, seeing how it's MY space.

It's like how I can leave my door open knowing that no one will enter in the middle of the night to steal possibly everything that can be moved without a truck and at the same time, slaugthering my entire family and then razing my house and everything in it to the ground. You know why they can't? Cause it's MY house.

To help these people out, I will paste a note at the door and this is what it will say:

"Dear Burglars,

Both the gates and the door to my house will be unlocked tonight. However, you cannot burglarize my house, kill my entire family later and burn my house to the ground because it is MY house and I paid for it. Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

Yours faithfully,

The Owner Of The House"

Yes, now the note would serve to dissuade any notions and dismiss any temptations on the burglars' parts. Similarly, I put up the disclaimers to let potential readers know that this is MY blog and if they don't like it, they can throw themselves against a wall of spikes for all I care.

Yup.


1:09 am

Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Decisions, Decisions

After thinking hard and long, though saying so would get me the "Understatement In The History Of Mankind" award, I have finally submitted my JAE application together with a huge sigh of relief.

The days leading up to this one have been long and painful, both for my brain and my heart. Decision-making really gets to me and I can't say that I'm not a indicisive person, cause I am, to such a extent that is incomprehensible to most. It's just as traumatic, if not even more, than sitting for O Levels and waiting for the results put together.

Heart: "Go poly, go poly! You've always wanted to go to poly"

Brain: "Go JC, go JC! It's more practical and you can get into university faster as well."

Heart: " But you can go to a external university after completing your diploma. Further more, if you don't feel like studying, you can go work. Compared to going to JC, it's a big incentive no?"

Then there's always the issue of prospects and of course, pay. It was just going back and forth, back and forth and while others were already brooding which course or subjects to take, I was still at the fundamental question of "JC or poly?" And finding out that maths isn't a compulsory subject in JC only served to make matters worse.

I can only say I work well under stress. The knowledge of the deadline drawing nearer by the second really pushed me to fill in the application and eventually see the whole 10 minutes of life-changing clicks through.


So here goes:

1st choice: Visual Communication at TP

2nd choice: Nanyang JC

3rd choice: Yishun JC

Going to leave the rest out cause they were basically courses thrown together in a desperate attempt to fill up the 12 slots.

Now, to pray that I actually pass the interview, if I'm shortlisted that is. Blah.

Happy Molecues' Day Valentine's Day!


2:38 am

Sunday, February 11, 2007
BLAHHHH!

I'm feeling very emo now. Here goes.

It's so strange because just when I thought my troubles will be temporarily suspended, so to say, after I get back my results, I get back my results and I realise the real pain comes. The notion of deciding my life within 6 days is as appealing as having grass for dinner. To add fuel to fire, there are other things really troubling me now of which I shall touch briefly upon. But seriously, I have no way of putting what I really want to say here. So maybe I shall lock up this blog once and for all and say what I really want to say but it kinds of defeats the purpose of having this blog so I might as well just delete the bloody thing. Or alternatively, I can set up another blog of which no one would know of. Yes, that's what I shall do and only God will know It's whereabouts. But who really cares? NO ONE! Yes, no one, and as much as I would like to say that I don't care, I still care. The point is ,why should they? I'm pretty much of little or at worst, no significance at all. But seriously, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. There, I said it and for some strange reason, I still feel as lousy. Isn't it supposed to help?! BAHHHH! And the last word is BAHHHH! not BLAH. It makes a huge difference.

NOBLE GASES ALL THE WAY!


10:02 pm

Friday, February 09, 2007
DIVINE INTERVENTION!

There was divine intervention after all! Albeit without the bright ray of light and the *T-LINGGGGGGG* sound, but still, DIVINE INTERVENTION! Yes, surprisingly enough, I did much better than I expected by a HUGE margin.

For starters, I thought, yes, thought, that I would fail my Geography but I didn't! I did completely bomb the paper so it's either I didn't actually do that badly or everyone else sucked. Kinda hoping that it's the former.

Also, the thing bout 60% failing english and all was all unfounded worrying. Got an A1 for english and I wouldn't have cared less if I failed the rest of the subjects. Okay, scrap that.

Was in school when we found out that our class did extremely well for English, 51% of our class got distinctions which comes down to 20 people. My fear of failing my English abruptedly ended upon hearing this and what took its place was, "Oh God, I pray that I got a distinction".

As the first few people went up to collect their results it dawned upon me that most of them were getting distinctions which meant that all 20 might run out before it hits index number 38, the 2nd last index number in class, which also happens to be mine. Unfortunately.

So the whole "die die die die die die die die" thing was on repeat in my head and beneath it all was a subtle "Oh God, I pray that I got a distinction". Which was also on repeat and so my head filled up with all the noise. Almost drowned myself I did.

And when it was my turn, the first thing I saw on the result slip was A1! Then I went "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Or at least I visualized myself doing it but it was all done internally, really.

DIGRESSION: Brooker's on The Tyra Bank's Show! She rocks. Both of them.

As for the other subjects, the same thing kind of applies. You know, the "Oh tian,I bombed my test" but actually didn't do as bad as I thought.

One more thing: I strongly feel that God was really there for me. Sounds cliched but seriously, it's impossible that I get such grades given the kind of crap I was writing. If God didn't do something, I would dead by now. Literally.

Perhaps it's a kind reminder for me. Well, praise the Lord cause it's a KIND one. Imagine if it were the other way round. All the worry, all the unfounded worry. Really, was dumb of me cause [cliched moment] if I had trusted God more then, you know, I wouldn't have worried so much. Guess it shows how little faith I have. Sigh.
Oh ye of little faith!


6:08 pm

Ain't No 'Mount Of Luck

Ain't no amount of luck's going to save my sorry ass. What I need now, no, what WE ALL need is divine intervention.

Ermm... I said, DIVINE INTERVENTION! DIVINE INTERVENTION!

SEE! NO BRIGHT LIGHT AND *T-LINGGGGGGG* SOUND. NO DIVINE INTERVENTION! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!

60% of the entire cohort taking their results today, effectively, failed their English before moderation. You know how bad it is? The markers themselves had to come down to Singapore to discuss this...this...TRAGEDY! THIS...CALAMITY! THIS CATASTROPHE.

That's how bad it is.

THIS IS THE APOCALYPSE!!!

HEAR MY CRY OF ANGUISH!!!

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12:05 am

Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Release! Release!

Oh my tian!

The release of the O Level results is this Friday, which is the day after tomorrow, which is not so long away, which is a whole day's sleep away, which is a very short time, which is the day after tomorrow, which is Friday.

So there are two kinds of awaiting-O-Level-Results students-:

"I can't wait till I get my results! Hope I get 4 A1s!"

and

"Oh [expletive deleted]! So soon!? Wahhhhh! Doom. Die die die die die die die die die. Oh [expletive deleted]!"

I obviously belong to the latter.

I have waited so long for this day yet strangely and ironically enough, I dread it's coming. It's not that I don't want to get my results back, it's just that I don't want to get my results back. You get what I mean?

I've had many bad dreams through the days coming up to The Release and the worst one would probably be me getting a C5 for English. If it were really to be the case, it would be likely that this would be the last post from me. Any post coming would be the evil work of Charlee.

Ah digression.

Really felt that my essay had a really crappy ending. I was rushed for time. Lame excuse. I know. But really. Till now, after quite a period, I still feel strongly that the ending could have been better and there's this one line that I really really REALLY want to change. But... You know.... ALAS! Probably is the incident that got me that dream in the first place.

Another possible reason for such trepidation would be how I have COMPLETELY no idea what I want to do after I graduate. Well, the way I see it, there's no point worrying now, despite the fact that I'm still, you know, worrying, cause I might not even make it through and even if I do, chances are, my choices will be EXTREMELY limited to those courses that I REALLY wouldn't want to be slogging over for the next few years but have ABSOLUTELY no choice but to make one.

I was talking to my mum the other day and I was like "Die larh! Die larh!". In reply she was like "Die what? At most retake lorh. No choice." Haha. I was like "What the hell."

I suppose it all boils down to "WORRY TILL YOUR DEATH! THE APOCALYPS IS UPON US! DEATH TO ALL EVIL DOERS!" "Let's not worry about it till we have to. It's only 2 days away. Waiting didn't kill anyone."

I for one, sure have no wish to be the first.


Nat: So I got to call the civil service to set up a trampoline, bring a stomach pump, and... Um? I dunno.
Me: Lol. Get me a mirror to make sure I die looking good.


10:17 pm

Monday, February 05, 2007
"So What Are You Doing Now?"

"I'm working as an assistant t0 photographer."

"Wah! That's cool lah."

No, not really. I've never really gotten down to telling people exactly what I do and for starters, no, I DO NOT help take photos. The only time I get to even touch the camera is when I'm supposed to be carrying it for the photographer. Maybe touch is an overstatement seeing that even then, the bloody thing is still in its bag so technically, I'm not even touching the camera.

What I really do is this:

Say you're the 146723648590th person to be taking your photo, I will call your name and then if there's a reply, which would normally be very idiotic, I will write 146723648590 beside your name on the class list.

Then there will be people who ask what's the number for. The numbers are known as digital film numbers. See, unlike ordinary cameras, the cameras we use can take up to err...err...Okay, so I don't know how much's the limit but as far as I'm concerned, they can hold wayyyyy more photos then normal cameras. Unless, of course, yours is abnormal.

Them numbers come into use when the photos are brought back to the main office, which coincidentally is where this entry is coming from, where they are stored in the company's servers. After which, we, Yuyan and I, would have to painstakingly (Yannie says "Hi!") rename ALL the 146723648590 photos; and to add Polo Black cologne to a papercut, there are times, which are not all that uncommon, that there are jumps in numbers. It'll be like, 2...3 ...4...5...6...7..10938474... 8...9...10...236448..182174... 794873...11..34... 57...89...108...67... 58..274..56126...

More complications arise when teachers get their photos taken. For every one teacher, we have to skip a number cause it's theirs, which will be recorded on another piece of paper. And they ain't exactly easy to work with.

It's really typical of Singaporeans. I know I'm one too but hey, I try my best not to complain when it's well you know, F-R-E-E.

But I digress.

They get their pictures taken for free, take their own sweet time, ironically, to tidy their hair etc while complaining about us working slow. Hey, I know you are busy teachers and all but we have a schedule to follow too. Right, of course you wouldn't have noticed seeing how you are all extremely beeeee-seh. Even robots need breaks and time to oil their gears. Having the photographer go for a toilet break is akin to having stabbed them with forks. Which is really ironic cause their pictures come at a special price of no-price-at-all!

We get paid 6 dollars an hour or a dollar per class renamed which is really good, but the working hours are really short, like 4 to 6 hours a day. If it weren't for the kind of [expletive deleted] we have to put up with, it'd be a great job.


























Okay, not really. BLAHHHHHH


12:30 pm