Friday, December 01, 2006
I desperately need to let this out or I'll burst like a balloon. Despite my efforts to remain apathetic, angst and apathy clearly do not go well together.
angst + apathy = NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
It, the issue concerned, may seem really silly but it is really affecting me. A LOT.
So this is what happened:
Graduation night, painted my nails black. Went home after that, father asked, " You're gonna keep that? Any particular reason?" "No, just for fun." Father gives disgruntled look. I was like, "Do I look like I care?" But obviously I didn't say that. Then, talked to my mum online, "Can I dye my hair?" "Yeah, but go to Auntie Carol, I feel safer." "Okay, bringing my friend too." [Carols is my mum's hair dresser] "Hey, let's go dye our hair on Friday." [Which is today] "Okay" came the message. Next day: "Can help me tell daddy I'm dyeing my hair? Don't know how to put it across to him." "Okay." "Sherwin! People don't care if you're good or not, they will judge you by your looks and you will look like a crook with dyed hair and they might just arrest you. Don't do silly things
larh." "Hmmm. Okay." 5 mintues later, father comes into my room. "Sherwin! Don't do anything thing that will break the family up!" I was like, "What the hell
larh!?" Again, I obviously didn't say anything. Turns out, I can't paint my nails either cause it was apparantly too "extreme" for his poor heart to take. So now I'm the plain 'ole me, ugly and plain as usual. But it's okay, my friends don't care what I look like, they like me for ME, dyed hair or not. Of which much less can be said about my father seeing that he would probably disown me if I dyed my hair. The thing is, the way I see it, I will rarely get such a chance to dye my hair again, seeing that I might go to JC, which doesn't allow hair colour, or to a polytechnic, which wouldn't allow the colour I want to try. You might argue that I can do it after I get out of school but obviously my work wouldn't allow it unless I become a rockstar or something similar. Further more, it is not as if I wouldn't get into trouble if I didn't have dyed hair. Also, anyone with dyed hair are crooks then? Including my mum, my godmum, godbrother, godsister and a million other good-hearted people including grannys are crooks then? Wait, YOU have dye hair too! Does that make you one too? Like the last post, the painting of nails on guys and dyeing of hair is clearly a deviation to him and he would never for the life of him accept it I suppose. I'm so stupid! Why did I even bother seeking his consent? My mum already gave the green light. I should have gone instead of trying to give him the due respect by letting him know, to which he prompty blew up and claimed I was breaking the family up. Damn it. I was so angry I felt like killing myself. But then I thought, "Why kill yourself, just to prove your point, over someone like him?" Then I was like "Okay...Apathy, apathy where art thou?" Man, I'm so dissapointed and at the same time, angry. This apathy thing is clearly not working out for me. In any case, I'm really hoping that he would eventually think it normal and let me go ahead with it. I seriously for the life of me can't understand how changing my appearence can actually affect me inside. Furthermore, it's not as if they are permanent changes that cannot be changed back to normal. Today, Jill pierced her nose and I was standing there thinking I should do too, just to make my point. But seeing how my father wears the pants in the house, I didn't for fear he'd chop me up and make curry out of me. And AstroPop is strangely theraputic, everyone should try it whenever they're angry. Oh, but this would never dissolve easily. I'm too disgruntled and angsty to let it. Today is Friday, and my hair is black. As black as what I'm feeling. While my friends are changing their hair colour, I'm here being the envious me and moping.Oh man, This sucks. BIG TIME.
Okay. I'm done. I need some apathy here! Anyone got extra to spare?
9:05 pm