Sunday, October 14, 2007
Putting Words In My Mouth
"it's late.. i should be sleeping.. but for some reason, even though my eyes are closing and my head feels heavy, i feel weighed down by all the thoughts running around inside that head of mine..
which is probably why i'm blogging now, since long ago i decided that this blog wasn't meant to be private. but since i just changed the url, and haven't updated properly in ages, i don't think this'll be read by many people anyway.
things change in an instant.. no matter how much i tell myself that there are some things that you can hold on to in this world where everything just seems to rush by in the blink of an eye.. people are gone, moments are lost.. and they will never come back to you again.. or at other moments time seems to slow and you're stuck in a painful moments, watching the world go by and trapped in your own existence.. limited.. weighed down.. and unable to break free.
i don't know what i want anymore, i feel like i'm being split into a person i don't recognize anymore. sometimes i wonder, if i were to look through the eyes of another person, what kind of person would they see when they look at me? it feels like i'm changing.. and yet, with this change it feels like i'm growing further away from the things that matter and drifting..
is it all part of growing up?
so.. very.. tired. i don't know if i can muster the energy to plod to the end of vce and still give it my best shot. part of me knows i would hate to regret not working hard enough, the other part simply can't pick up the pace and mug like nuts.
all i know is that, i'm feeling increasingly unprepared to deal with the world out there. i wish i could go into an oyster shell, become that pearl and emerge to take the world in a stride.
the sad reality is that the only constant in life is change, and sometimes you need to be out of your comfort zone to gain a few more experiences, and learn and grow from them.
i just pray that the realisation will hit me before it's too late. and with that realisation, the unwavering faith and trust that God will send me where He wants me to go."
Xinni wrote this. And it's exactly what I feel.
If you read this Xinni, read
this.
1:36 am