I've been going on about how I'd fail and whatnot only because I truly believed it. In all honesty I thought I'd fail. The 2007 paper was so tough it made the 2006 one seem like nothing. I had completely no idea what I was reading and what were the answers I was giving. But anyhow, as it turns out, I got lucky.
It's been so long since I've felt so happy. It's the kind of happiness that possesses you and makes you want to smile and then break out laughing yo yourself in the middle of the night. Strangely enough, the description fits madness as well. But as it is, I might as well be. HOHO.
My mum makes me happy. I love my mother so. Being with people I like makes me happy. That's quite a no-brainer but sometimes, just sometimes, it's good for all of us to say silly things like these; because it makes us happy. Being in a drunken stupor also temporarily elevates me into such a state. Though it is in retrospect that everything said and done are things that should have stayed unsaid and undone. Buying things make me happy. Reading blogs that update regularly makes me happy. Sleeping late into the afternoon makes me happy, though only when I'm still asleep. Having little homework makes me happy. Knowing that people watches this space makes me happy.
In contrast, change: it makes me sad. Well, not let's-weep sad but just a there's-a-dull-ache-in-my-heart sad. It is also a I-can't-do-anything-about-it-sad and also a I-wish-it-weren't-so sad.
Yet resist as I may, the winds of change comes as it pleases and similarly, goes. Things, situations, people, well, they change. Sometimes for the better, yet mostly for the worse. In my case anyway. It might not be the most obvious but I tend to notice things like these, and despite promises, things never stay the same. I try to make the best of it. I fear I may not be trying hard enough.
Change also invokes a certain fear in me. Not the kind that makes knees shake but the kind enough to make me resist. And depending on the situation, different degrees of resistance. I'm thinking of a change of hairstyle. But it makes me scared. The future scares me as much for it will certainly bring about change. All these apart, I look forward to what the future has to bring and to all possible changes because of the masochistic streak in me.
On a similar but different note, here's a quote that I particularly like because it kinda serves as a reminder for me, and possibly everyone else, for times when we become particularly self-centered and for other times for which I can't seem to put into words.
"You expect everyone to kiss your ass because you've changed so much, because you're such a different person than the asshole you've always been. You haven't changed, Ray, you've only changed your hobbies. You're still the narrow-minded, immature, schizophrenic little boy you always were."
Sadness at is zenith is when you realise that after so long, no one actually really cares.
This is the 200th post.
In more ways than one, all pointing to the same conclusion, it appears nothing much is going to be changing around here anymore.
This ending is perhaps the most befitting one I have ever wrote on this blog.
On a random note, Dot, you're much missed.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
On hindsight, I think this block has been relatively easy on us. Photo wasn't much and neither was marketing. It was just a lot of shooting and writing, shooting and writing. And it helps to have good groupmates who get things done on time and well, and are quick to finish their work. I think I can say that about myself; for this block anyway.
Have been quite high today, prolly due to the fact that Photo is OVER. Managed to submit on time without much rushing which is, in my case, relatively rare. Though it was done in a I'm-just-glad-it's-over attitude. My photos weren't really fantastic; the main reason being how my entire class is sooooooo good. I'll probably get a C or something.
Yet again, I'm looking forward to tomorrow's Marketing presentation for the very sole reason that once it's done, it's done.
I need a block to sit around and do absolutely nothing and I hope that block comes soon.
On a completely different note, this is the 199th post if anyone cared to notice and I've kinda mentioned in passing, okay, not really, that something will happened once I hit the 200th. BUT, I also mentioned, in un-passing, that it might not happen to one of many possible reasons, all of which revolving around me being lazy which actually isn't the case.
Okay. I lie.
There's still a chance that it might happen though. Albeit a small small small small small chance.
I think 'small' is a strange word. It's like s-mall. Like, sm-all. It looks strange. Whatever. It's just jamai vu messing with me.
Moving on, I shall continue keeping it a hush-hush thing though by the looks of things it's not anymore. Like I said before, if it happens, it does. If not, then...no.
Yet again, on a completely different note, I'm considering moving to LJ.
Also, I'm quite tired of me. I like being me, but I just wish that I can REALLY be me. There are so many things I want to do but can't and I can't blame anyone else but me. I can't really say much with running the risk of me being stoned. I think it's just the way society works that makes me feel like this. Sigh.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Self-control is something I lack COMPLETELY.
Evident from the fact that I just busted 170bucks on clothes. I conclude that there can only be one and only ONE reason why getting a iBanking device is so hard and that is because iBanking is EVIL. It makes you spend and spend and spend like you have all the money in the world which is something I clearly do not have. I tell you, this is nihilism and consumerism at its best. Or worst rather.
I also happen to have a problem with shooting my mouth off at people when I'm pissed though it is clearly not their fault. Like how I argued with my mum about my dad being unhappy with my untidy, long, unkempt hair and how he wants me to cut it but doesn't want to say anything so he nags my mum into a corner and my poor mum has no choice but to try and subtly, notice how I said "try", give it to me, which promptly resulted in me arguing with her. My wasn't that a mouthful.
But really. I like my hair the way it is, though I'm considering going for a haircut soon, and I think that my hair is straight and un-untidy and un-unkempt, thank you very much. I mean how in the word is it untidy when I can run my hand through and everything will fall into place?
Anyhow, moving on, we, or rather I then started a monologue about how my father is being utterly ridiculous for asking me to turn off the powerpoints (refer to previous post) and of how the damned TV can generate heat to make the room stuffy.
In conclusion, I served my mum, a-la Sherwin style, a mix of my father being ridiculous in general and I really wish to continue but see no point because he is my father and I am his son, one with untidy, long, unkempt hair and no cow sense to turn off televisions and powerpoints, and whatever I say will not float. After which I promptly left the damned table with the damned bee-hoon my gramps has been cooking so many times over the past month.
Okay, point about me shooting my mouth off at innocent people when agitated, proven.
Continuing, I really should be working on the Marketing assignment, but the complete lack of self-control is just all over the place now.
Also, I'm coming down with a sore-throat, or I think rather, but I'm still eating combos, which if you don't already know, is nothing short of ambrosia and is a snack of pretzel and cheese filling. AND, not helping at all.
I lament my pathetic state.
But shall not do anything about it.
P.S. I wish to make it known that despite all the nonsense, I still love my parents greatly, though I'm inclined to loving my mum more. Oh well.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
And So The Saga Continues...
The fucking air-con seems to be affecting everyone and I'm feeling fucking pissed cause my dad is being fucking ridiculous.
Apparently, charging your laptop and handphone and DS together at the same time would generate enough fucking heat to make the room stuffy.
If that notion alone isn't fucking ridiculous enough, I don't know what is.
And now the lights are switched off.
Wonderful. Just fucking wonderful.
In other news, I've been really lazy and haven't been doing much for photography though I should REALLY be. And also, the group hasn't heard from Converse. Looks like we just might have to write another report. Bloody hell.
P.S. Not sure if anyone has noticed but I've been counting down to something that MIGHT happen and it is precisely because of the uncertainty of the event occurring that I've decided to keep it to myself. If it happens it happens I suppose. If it doesn't I only have myself to blame and I won't actually be surprised.
P.P.S. And no, I'm not talking about a possible relationship. Though I wish it were the case.
- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, a 10 Money can't buy you, Back the love that you had then.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
You know it's really strange when adults don't act like adults and you have people like me thinking that they're childish?
And it's bloody irritating.
So the damned air-con is busted again. The last time that happened, which isn't exactly a long time ago, 6 days to be exact, the father asked both me and my bro to bunk in my their room. But the obvious answer we gave was "NO."
Apparently that wasn't enough because the father had to keep bugging us. And if you have been reading the previous posts, it was precisely for the same reasons that he came into my room at 4am in the morning.
And I thought that was over.
This time, the same thing was repeated and yet again, the answer was "NO." That's the gist of it but what really happened would be more of like "I SAID NO. MOFO."
So the father got pissed and is now ignoring me. Not so sure if he's as pissed with my bro cause he's already asleep in our room so that'll have to wait till morn. But in any case, he's just being really petty and childish lah.
My initial thought was,"What the hell. So old already and still acting like this. To think he has 50 years of growing up under his belt. DAMNED, shall ignore him."
And so I'm happily munching Combos in the un-comfort of my own room.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
My mum just came in and passed me a post-it note. Cute, I know. But it's the only way we can communicate without waking the abomination of a brother. He is THAT sensitive to sound. Asshole. Apparently the father is sleeping on the couch and my mum wants me to go over. And because it's my mum, and I love her so, I shall go over. Though with much exasperation. But that's going to be much later cause I like loafing around the net doing nothing and sleeping late at night. And basking in
Carpe noctem people. Carpe noctem.
And to being irritated.
5 more. 5 more. 5 more. 5 more. 5 more.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day people.
The highlight of my day:
Pretty much says it all.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Things To ---- About
When Illustrator crashes on you when you finally finish your work at 3am in the morning and am about to save it.
When it's 4am in the morning and your father comes into your room and asks why you're still not asleep though you wish you really were but am still doing work because Illustrator crashed on you when you have finally finished your work at 3am in the morning and was about to save it.
When the air-con breaks down completely at 4am in the morning and your father comes into your room and asks why you're still not asleep though you wish you really were but am still doing work because Illustrator crashed on you when you have finally finished your work at 3am in the morning and was about to save it. WHAT THE FUCK?
Friday, February 08, 2008
In Other News
It is a sad sad day. A tragic day in fact. Something of grave importance has passed on and I think the government should declare it a national holiday so that we can mourn.
AhMeng was the best OrangUtan a person could ever know. I remember the day when I first laid eyes on such beauty. It was a long long long long long long long long time ago. And I think it pretty much explains why it's dead but that's not important.
What is important is the fact that a national treasure has passed away. We should all be sad because there is one less OrangUtan in the world and now the zoo has to fork out a bomb and burial and what not and also to get a replacement AhMeng. And also the fact that it's on the news but that doesn't really count because EVERYTHING and ANYTHING is on MediaCorp News. Including Britney. And it's not like it's tabloid news or something. It's national news that isn't really national at all, but like I said, it's not important.
Let's bow our heads in silence for a minute in remembrance of AhMeng.
And presenting to you AhMeng
Damned it brings back sweet sweet memories.
And to set the record straight, I've never actually seen the damned thing or even if I have, I've forgotten it, cause it's just a monkey. Okay, an extremely rare and endangered monkey but still a monkey no less.
So what REALLY is important is the fact the MediaCorp News has a habit of reporting rubbish when there are other more pressing issues to be reporting about, like the reason for the lack of PROPER news to be reporting is due to gahmen's unfailing efforts to cover up accidents and whatnot. Opps. I shouldn't have said that.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Blah Blah Blah
I hide in my room like a hermit from the world.
I find it extremely difficult to face my relatives because firstly, my waning memory means that I have COMPLETELY no idea who in the seven seas I'm wishing a prosperous new year. Secondly, there's this awkwardness due to the lack of conversation topics and I'm not one who likes engaging in petty talk. And thirdly, well, there's no thirdly but I just like the idea of having more excuses to justify why I'm hiding in my room.
I have this urge to change into something black but I think my gramps would flip.
And there are so many kids running around in the house. Every year they come to my house and they seem to be growing up well but the thing is, I have completely no idea who these kids are, who they belong to and what their names are, and we're supposed to be relatives. I might as well declare my place a kindergarten and let unknown kids run around because that wouldn't be much of difference anyway.
It's a good thing my mum's a kindergarten teacher.
Can't complain much though. At least I don't have to even step out of my house for visitation because everyone visits me.
Okay, maybe not me but whatever.
Though I don't particularly like it.
And the air-con is threatening to explode.
Have been hearing funny crackling sounds coming from it and I think something fell out onto the stack of books below it but I just can't seem to find it.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
There this sharp sharp pain in my left shoulder that just started right after I stepped home.
Must be the whole day's worth of photo-taking that's taking its toll.
Though I must say, I kinda enjoy that pain.
Hooray for morbidity.
There's a dull ache that's been bothering me as well. One that won't be going away any time soon and one that I don't like at all.
In other news, LittleIndia is not half as bad as I thought it would be and for the very first time in my life, I went into Mustafa. I must say, they have EVERYTHING there. And when I say EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING.
12th men down.
Ghastly Sheets And Charging Batteries
I think I'm going blind. Everything seems so blurry, or maybe it's just me being tired and all.
And what further prove of having a poor memory just a little short of Alzheimer's does a person need when you were just taught something in class 18 hours ago and have clean forgotten it. I can't seem to work the DSLR for nuts. It's going ot be a long day tomorrow.
Maybe I'm just tired.
And I clean forgot to mention that my mum changed my bedsheets and it is now maroon or so she claims when it is obviously a ghastly shade of vermilion.
I asked why my bedsheet was red and she kept insisting it's maroon and for the fear of breakin' me mother's heart I just quietly accepted it.
I'm sure THAT isn't me being tired.
Somehow or rather, recent posts seem to be lacking of substance and I wonder why I even bother any more. In any case, it's just 14 posts away.
What is? You ask?
Well, in all manner of cliches, that's for me to know and for you to find out.
It will be soon enough anyway.
Monday, February 04, 2008
It's Hard To Be
I realize it is hard to be, okay not say angry, but more of displeased with someone who has the personality of Charlene.
But then again it's not really her fault that she has to compromise her responsibility because of a constrictive bureaucracy that sometimes just simply needs to learn the very "new" concept of flexibility.
In any case, I suppose the previous post an be disregarded.
Heh. Oh well.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
It is just a word, yet means so much more.
And it is in my current disposition to believe that most lecturers are IRRESPONSIBLE.
IRRESPONSIBLE I TELL YOU.
However attractive they may be.
Only goes to show that being attractive, looks, attitude or other wise, doesn't exempt you from vilification.
It's times like this that brings a certain female dog related word to mind.